We all have relationships that shape the early chapters of our story.
For me, it started with my family. My mom and many women around me were always on a diet. My dad was naturally thin on the outside, but not healthy on the inside. The 80s were a backdrop of SlimFast, “low-fat” everything, aerobics tapes, and Hulk Hogan. My extended family carried obesity, high blood pressure, alcohol addiction, and quiet mental health struggles. They were "secrets" we didn’t talk about, but they shaped me all the same.
Those early chapters weren’t about choice. They were about the environment I was in. And like so many of us, I thought: this is just the way it is.
Then came my teens and twenties. A new chapter. This one was written in rebellion. It was the 90s (I hope you sang this in your head like Kevin James Thornton), supermodels and heroin chic. I pushed back against my family, threw myself into peers, and later into partners. Later, my boyfriend then, husband and I had years of friction over my growing interest in health and fitness. To him, I probably looked like I was drifting away from our values. And let’s be honest, fitness didn’t exactly look punk rock back then. But I couldn’t un-know what I was learning.
That chapter was full of conflict. My friendships shifted. The partying, the drinking, the extreme sports crew, I loved them, but as my values changed, the distance grew. And with it came grief. Changing who you are means losing relationships that once felt like everything. That loss is real. And it hurts.
But the story didn’t end there.
The chapter I’m in now looks different. My circle is smaller, but stronger. I’ve set boundaries with family. I’ve chosen friends who align with my values. I’ve built a community where health, wellness, and authenticity matter. And in this chapter, I feel happier, healthier, and more productive than I ever have.
The through-line is this: relationships shape identity. And identity shapes health.
When I look back, I can see how every chapter, even the messy ones, taught me something. I can forgive the past, learn from it, and keep writing forward.
If you’re in the middle of your own rewrite, know that grief and fear are part of it. Losing relationships, rethinking values, choosing differently, that’s not weakness. That’s growth.
You don’t have to write this chapter alone. A therapist can help (I have one). A coach can guide you. And a healthy community can remind you that you’re not turning the page by yourself.
Because you don’t have to carry the old story forever. You get to decide what’s in the next chapter.
Mental 🏔️ Peaks: The Science of Relationships and Health
It’s not just a nice saying: we become like the people we spend time with. Research backs it up:
- Habits are contagious. Studies show that behaviors like eating patterns, exercise, smoking, and even sleep spread through social networks. If your close friend becomes obese, your own risk can increase by up to 57%.
- Identity is social. The groups we belong to shape how we see ourselves. If your circle celebrates hiking every weekend, you’re far more likely to lace up your boots. If your circle celebrates late-night partying, that becomes the norm instead.
- Support matters. People with strong, supportive relationships live longer, recover faster from illness, and have lower rates of depression and anxiety. Social connection is as critical to health as nutrition and movement.
So what can you do to cultivate relationships that align with your vision of health, wellness, and fitness?
- Audit your circle. Notice who energizes you and who drains you. Pay attention to the habits, language, and values in your current relationships.
- Set boundaries with love. Protect your energy without cutting off compassion. Boundaries aren’t walls, they’re filters.
- Seek alignment. Join communities that embody the lifestyle you want to grow into. (Fitness classes, hiking groups, book clubs, recovery circles, faith or spiritual communities, whatever feels like “home.”)
- Be the influence. Your commitment can inspire others. Sometimes you’re the one planting the seed that health can look, and feel—different.
Your relationships are part of your environment. And your environment is the soil your health grows in. Choose the garden you want to grow.
Sources:
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